my brainz are golden. are yourz?

Cheating (Life’s Own Drama) pt. 2

2010-05-26T22:59:00.000-04:00

Alright a couple days have passed and my head is less heated, but my heart is still heavy. In my last post I began describing the criteria that makes a good life experience drama; Cheating. Last time I introduced to its’ characters and today you will enjoy what I have in stock for you.

The Climax

Like every drama on tv, in real life as well there is a damn climax. An as very similar to your daytime soap opera (and biological experiences), the climax comes in with a blast with every drop of drama that can possibly exists in pipes of conflict. This is the point where the dark comes to light and we realize real lies.

At the climax, I felt like deer mesmerized by the beautiful glow of oncoming headlights. But little did I know that light, that T R U T H, was similar to an 18 wheeler truck which ran my ass over, although unfortunately I managed to survive, and now I have to live with open fxcking wounds as I try to get myself together and get my life back on track. Devastated, angry, hurt; I sat there and watched as she barged into my world screaming, fighting (with him), crying… I knew I stepped into a sad sad drama and I was forced to play my part; the other woman. They say life is unscripted, but at that moment everything from the shattered glass to bags being packed and everyone from me, him, her, her friend; we all had our fxcking script. I hated it. I’m a writer not an actor. I like putting people in awkward situations and not live through them myself. ~~I don’t like showing my emotions, so I smile and laugh a lot.~~ But after that night, everything that was so neatly packed away in my vault of madness, deeply hidden in my sub-consciousness; now has left me in a state of emotional distress because I am forced to deal with my own damn emotions. Unlike her, I don't have anyone to run to, cry to ... I'll stop myself there Lol. But with every high, there is also a low; and I can't fxcking wait to get back to my normal level of emotional sanity.

So the whole story wasn’t really mentioned but you get the point of what happened. Do I care if they read this; NO. and if either them do and are not happy with what has been said, they both know what they can kiss! Lol it’s amazing how the mouth can bring so much pleasure…

But right now I’m letting out all my fxcking P A I N.

Can I live?

Cheating (Life’s Own Drama) pt.1

2010-05-23T10:18:00.000-04:00

Characters:

The Cheater.

This isn’t rocket science, and I can bet my most prized possession right now *sniff* my Kleenex box for my mucusy nose *sniff*, that you guys know damn well what I am talking about. The words “cheaters” ”infidelity” and ”mistress” are almost complement to the word relationship. That is, a relationship can stand on its’ own, bravo, but if you need a little spice in your life, you wanna hurt somebody, hell you wanna get hurt; those are the perfect ingredients fuel the flame of passionate anger. And most likely burn down everything you and your partner build on to maintain each other’s trust. This is not a laughing matter, regardless my sarcastic description of a person betraying the essence of their relationship. Oh no, don’t get me wrong... I don’t condone this lifestyle at all because for one; let me warn you, it’s your own funeral. And two, a lot of times in life, what you put into it comes right back to you. Karma. I learned the hard way from my past experience. I am not necessarily proud, but I believe that there is a lesson for every situation in life. Good or bad? There is always one, and if you look deep enough and you’re not afraid to handle your own demon; you will find sacred answers that will provide you guidance for the rest of your life. Where am I going with this? Well the same story can be told in different ways. And at the base of the dramatic episode of “cheating” there’s always 3 people involved’; the couple(cheater and victim) and the other(1+ people). Luckily, as I have mentioned before life is a learning experience, I was handpicked to play the wonderful role of “the other.”

The Other.
For biological reasons clearly my part has been restricted to the title of “the other woman,” and as much as I didn’t want to play that role; my destiny lead no other options for me to chose from. Oh so wait there is a choice of being the other you ask? Fxck YESSSSS! The other falls into three different categories; they can be oblivious, semi-oblivious-stubborn and or can have a serious problem of selfishness. Oblivious, is the other who walked into all of this and happened to step on a land mind and watch the truth blow up in their face. i.e the married man with 4 kids that you are now engaged to. The semi-oblivious-stubborn, is the other that saw the red flags, and with a few ricks up their sleave, because they were very persistent of getting their way; ran through the battlefield of the couples relationshit.... Relationship, sorry! And eventually gets bombed away by reality. i.e. Think of the Rocsi (106 & Park) drama with Lisa Raye and her husband... Feel me? Now the gritty, the war lord of them all is the selfish other, that person doesn’t give a damn who they are shooting up and is completely ignorant to their own pain and the suffering of others.

Monroe: Like Marylin, my life has lead me in a touchy situation.. I consider myself the oblivious other, in my opinion the worst role of all because I hate surprises. And that moment of truth, when that land mind that blew up on me, that was not a pretty sight to see. I’m still in the state of shock running on 3 hours of sleep because anybody that knows me and knows me very well, being “the other woman” IS NOT MY ROLE TO PLAY. Honestly, the cheating drama isn’t my cup of tea. But if the situation arises that I am in that predicament, and I have to play the part destiny unfortunately assigned to me; I rather be the cheater or even the damn victim than play the other woman. Why, I am a Scorpio so I sting and don’t get stinged. If I want something I go after it and I want it all for me, especially a fella I am dealing with. I don’t play seconds, I don’t come second and God knew what he was doing when I was born the first child for my mother. Right now, I am in a state of what “the fuck just happened” kind of vibe.

Before I continue, we will have a brief intermission because I need a breather...

2010-05-21T01:09:00.001-04:00

He has a problem with miss independent, but when you give him the key to drive; out of nowhere he gets up then takes a seat in the passenger’s side. Don’t get me do you? Well let me paint you a simple little picture that will help you understand my last sentence. Basically, I am referring to the men who have a problem with a woman being independent, self-sufficient, rockin’ that Ne-Yo “She’s Got Her Own” swag on full blast. And yet, when it’s time for some of these men to handle their business, be a man and take care of their woman, they seem to end up hittin’ the thick brick wall of failure. Are you feelin’ my opening sentence now? However, as I laid up in my bed this morning and contemplated the situation that just occurred, as I sucked my teeth and knew I had to roll up my sleeves and handle my business if I really wanted to get what needed to get done DONE, and essentially if I really wanted this to work; I’d have to go that extra mile. No not for him, but for us. Stupid in love? Fxck no. I’ll leave all of that extra bull up to Rihanna to sing about… So why did I give in? Why did I even give him that extra load to carry knowing my chances of being deceived were kinda sorta fat?? I honestly don’t know. But it has come to my realization that apparently no one in a relationship is independent, but inter-dependent. Chyea! At 7:38 in the morning, during my feverish spasms, I was struck by a lightning bolt of ultimate love and wisdom, which suddenly shined a different light on my relationshit. Relationship, sorry. And from the looks of what just happened -like I said before- if I wanted to make this work, for the moment I’d have to play magician and makeup a happy ending. But the truth behind all of this, is personally, there is no such thing as a miss/mr independent in relationships. Hell, in order to have a relationship with someone, or something (whatever floats your boat..), you would need a significant other. So that concept of a man or woman being independent within a relationship is faulty at heart, because someone is always depending on the other to complete what they are missing. Two hearts, one soul? I do believe that there can be issues such as inequality of who is bringing in the $$$, who is being sheltered, or who should be pleased most or whatever. But the bottom line is, when you enter the battlefield of love; that significant other is, or at the very least should be, fighting by your side and not fighting against you . So it’s *cough* expected *cough* that some days your weight will be heavier than his. Call me a soldier of love (dope track), however I will not work my ass to the ground, or in more general terms, kill myself over no man. You best believe it... Yuh Zeet!?

Until I service you again,
my brainz are golden.

Brand New

2010-05-20T02:59:00.003-04:00

Feeling the new layout??

I am. But I'll let Trey tell you how brand new I'm feeling!

&& this is original image I chopped up... just in case you were wondering

SiCK: The Sequel

2010-05-20T00:52:00.000-04:00

So basically, 2 sinus rinses later, a bleeding left ear and a trip to the emergency; I realised how fxckd up we put so much trust in our medicare system that doesn't even work efficiantly. It's hilarious how Doctors' love playing God, yet "don't know exactly what's wrong with you" for simple things such as damn sinus infection Can you believe this bullshit? Well I had no choice but too! Let me start from the beginning of my agonizing journey. Last night after my ibuprofen intoxicated rant, I got my meds the Doc had prescribed to me. Sinus Rinse, Aerius, Nasonex... So tell me how I feel worseer (<< not an actual word) today than I did yesterday?! I woke up this morning with a swollen throat and tongue, and basically afraid to blow my nose because my left eardrum felt like it was being torn out. Anyways, like a good-will Canadian, I took my ass to the emergency (the benefits of a "structured" health system), wait 5hours (disadvantages of a "structured" health system) before I saw a Doctor. Then when he finally strolls in the room, he has the nerve to look me in my face and tell me "I don't see what the problem is Miss... Just stay on the meds and you should be fine." ?&%#$#$@$$@. With new technology thses peeople can plant a seed in a woman's womb and have her breed octoplets, but you can't diagnose a simple sinus infection? SMH. Anyways I consulted the one person that knows best; Doctor Mom. For 10$ and some chump change she got me some Advil Cold Sinus, with some Ginger Tea and Honey and so far I've been Tony the Tiger Ggggrrrrreaaatttt! (<< corny, I know =D). Now, I am wide awake because most of my day has been spent drifting in and out of sleep. I'm about to make me some corn flakes, watch the Boondocks new episode, watch American Dad, Family Guy and The Cleveland Show. Maybe dance around a little bit in my basement, then eventually sleepy (around 4:30 am) I'll be off in dream land where Drake and I are happy. This is your Late Night Brainer signing off, until I service you again i'll leave you with some insightful advice: remember having good brainz attrack good men :P

SiCK

2010-05-18T18:21:00.000-04:00

I am sick, I am sick, I am frigging sick!!!!!! An you know what else? Do you know what's worse than having an assortment of weird colored mucus leaking from your nose??? Being sick on a beatiful day... SMH. It is 25 oC outside and my ass is stuck inside sipping on some Mr. Noodles soup. I am in my little brothers sweat pants and socks, a t-shirt and a hoodie zipped all the way up to my damn neck. For the average individual my attire would be considered outrageous, but due to my sickness; I am freezing in my house and there's nothing you can do about it. Now you may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me? Is it a cold? The flu? Honestly I would prefer to have gastro at this point because - according to the Doctor- this "seasonal allergy" business I have is KILLING ME. Like hell my nose feels like it is about to freeking fall off with all this damn blowing... Yea the Doc swears I have allergies and apparently anyone could get them at any point in time in their lives. (Reallllyyy?? not only I have to deal with cramps every damn month, now I have to deal with allergies too!!!)WTF.. Anyways, I have never felt so horrible in my life, my antibiotics should be on their way; but this is like a slow death - my mucus is overpowering me and along with ibuprofen I am drifting in and out of insanity. Insanity, the blanket comforting my reality... And since you are on here reading, that makes you apart of my "reality.." And guess what? You're in for a surprise; interestingly I felt the need to share my differnt levels of sickness and break it down for you in my own little translation...

According to thefreeditionary.com there are about 6 definitions for the word sick.
And it goes a little something like this..

I am SiCK like
1.
a.Suffering from or affected with a physical illness; ailing.
(translation: suffering from this allergy bs)

b. For sick persons: sick wards.
(translation: Joshua was sick so he probably shared his virus with me)
c. Nauseated.
(translation: stumbling on Mahlia Michelle and Drake pictures together)

2.
a. Mentally ill or disturbed.
(translation: LOL, me on a daily basis)
b. Unwholesome, morbid, or sadistic: a sick joke; a sick crime.
(translation: the Montreal Canadians "NHL team"... lol)

3. Defective; unsound: a sick economy.
(translation: my broke and non-working ass)

4.
a. Deeply distressed; upset: sick with worry.
(translation: what is he doing? ... who is he doing??)
b. Disgusted; revolted.
(translation: I've been playing housewife, I need a J.O.B)
c. Weary; tired: sick of it all.
(translation: sick of being broke and sick)
d. Pining; longing: sick for his native land.
(translation: JAMAICA)
5.
a. In need of repairs: a sick ship.
(translation: ~~ramping shop~~?! LOL)
b. Constituting an unhealthy environment for those working or residing within: a sick office building.
(translation: my crazy ass house hold)

6. Unable to produce a profitable yield of crops: sick soil.
(translation: I need an income..)

Nonsense huh? Laugh at me, laugh with me.. or even pity me.. Don't matter cause the jokes on you -you read through this :P Time well wasted ...

LOL

anyways, the bat cave is clean and back to my shots of rhum and honey..

Until I service you again, always remember
my brainz are golden.

xOx

Drake- Find Your Love Official Video

2010-05-11T01:28:00.001-04:00

Drake - Find Your Love from October's Very Own on Vimeo.

Solar

2010-05-09T03:19:00.002-04:00

transition from the night
to welcome the day
your love defeats my dark
it takes my pain away

your dawn shines over my heart
leaves me with morning dew
a lust, a passion, a fire
this all generates from you

your rays caress my skin
as I look deep into your eyes
for I cant help but wonder,
a life without you?
impossible,
you are my sunrise

Solar...

"Im still waiting"... for this to come back

2010-03-29T22:08:00.008-04:00

Hola!

This is ur friendly brainologist, aka... expert at everything brain lol... aka... T My first blog EVER is gunna be about a music video im diggin right now... Ladies n gentlemen, im bring us back... “how far back”... wayyy back (1992 to be exact)... and it goes a little something like this:

Im lovvvin this video right now...why???

Cuz it has that head bobbin, body bouncin, westcoast “cant fuck with me” beat, plus it features some of the best musicians back in the day... missy and treach to name a few :) I miss this kind of music you kno. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that music is dynamic and the industry is constantly changing, so it’s only “necessary” for artists to adjust... but mayne... I miss the flow of ol’ school music. AND don’t even get me started on the clothing... big leather jackets (unbuttoned: p ), dark glasses, flannels buttoned up to the top, those baseball hats with the rim pushed up (don’t know the name lol) n LOTTSS of big gold jewellery... i love how these styles are being rocked now (including by myself). Soooo BIGUPPPP to these four amazing artists: DeVante Swing, Mr.Davlin, K-Ci and Jo-Jo!

My Final thought: Bring back this music!

Until I serve you again ;)

Introducing: The Late Night Brainer

2010-03-29T01:45:00.005-04:00

>.< Good morning!

So this is your late night brainiack, Caesey. I come in peace (loll no pun intended). Anyways to start off *ahemm* this aint a porn blog!! You can proceed and get your mind out of the gutter 'cause there will be no ~~booty/crotch/titty/girl on girl shots~~ posted... Honestly, I do agree that our title is slighty misleading (for those who get it), but that was our intention. The essence behind the name refers to our metaphorical view of what knowledge actually is... twisted, indeed. But we live in a world today where shit barely makes sense, and we just gotta make sense out of our shit. Feel me? and so far the most effective and oldest goddamn way of spreading the good word of wisdom is by the mechanical use of your tongue, lips and jaw in sync. For the intelligible lousy, what I meant was the mouth.

In my eyes knowledge comes in different forms, on different levels, and on different scales. I'm in University, I can boast, but I dont feel that my institutionalized education is all I need to get by in life. But this is why I do this and do it well; I speak my mind. However, speaking is one thing, but being able to make your subject feel what your saying (in my eyes) is what truly demarks the knowlegeable from the ignorant. You dont have to necessarily always agree with that person, but I personally feel that through the contents of your brain and the mystical use of your mouth; you can & do make people come to their senses.... lol.. you read that how ever you want. But one thing I know for sure is that as long as I live I know my brains are golden....

Peace Out,
Until I service you again ...